I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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