I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
