Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
