what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize