you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
