Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
my sisters under your porch take her home
Do vagina's smell?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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