i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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