Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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