my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
if i can run in heels then i can drive
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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