my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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