she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
