Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
