please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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