i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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