Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
