Moan for me like Helen Keller
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
