4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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