If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
