I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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