My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
3pm strippers are depressing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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