Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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