I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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