Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
