Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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