I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
