Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
