I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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