im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
