would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
