handjob tips. give me some.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
