I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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