Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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