She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
