what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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