OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
