I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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