I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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