I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
