Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
