I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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