Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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