dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
COCAINE IS GR8
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
