The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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