I think i peed on brittanys purse
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
