oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
