I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
