Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
