did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Couch. On fire.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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