I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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