his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
