Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
