please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
