the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
