I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize