we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
