And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
