P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
