Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
