I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Can I color on your dick again?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
