I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
