i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
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I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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