The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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