Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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