First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i think i just lost a toe
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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