Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
