this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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