Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
