Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
