Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize