She said her name was "party"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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