I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
