I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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