Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
