I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
