do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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