you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm passing your future prison.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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