where am i from again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
