So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
