Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Sober January is a disaster.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
