One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
