I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
