Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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